Ozzy Ozbourne bites the heads of bats. Forrest Griffin bites the heads off of Tigers.

Forrest Griffin uses 8 by 10 sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

Ladies, the quickest way to a man's heart is with Forrest Griffin's fist.

Some people enjoy eating frog legs. Forrest Griffin likes eating lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no steroids in baseball, just players Forrest Griffin has breathed on.

With the rising price of gasoline, Forrest Griffin is beginning to worry about his drinking habbit.

Guns don't kill people. Forrest Griffin kills people.

The square root of Forrest Griffin is pain. Do not try to square Forrest Griffin-the result is death.

Forrest Griffin does not eat. Food understands the only safe haven from Forrest Griffin is in his own stomach.

Nothing can escape the gravity of black holes. Except Forrest Griffin. Forrest Griffin eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

In the bible, Jesus turned water into wine. Then Forrest Griffin turned that wine into beer.

Forrest Griffin once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Forrest Griffin once made a field goal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay standing on the 50 yard line of Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego.

Someone once video taped Forrest Griffin getting pissed off. They called it "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"

The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless that side has been visited by Forrest Griffin. In that case the grass will be covered in blood and tears.

Forrest Griffin has no doors. Only walls he walks through.

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Forrest Griffin needs toothpicks. 

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Forrest Griffin.

Forrest Griffin doesn't own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

The spotlight on top of the Luxor in Las Vegas isn't the only thing that can be seen from outerspace. Forrest Griffin's leg kick is so powerful it can also be seen from outerspace with the naked eye.

Kryptonite has trace amounts of Forrest Griffin leg kicks. That's why it is so deadly to superman.

The chief export of Forrest Griffin is pain.

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba is military codeword for Forrest Griffin's basement.

Behind every successful man there is a woman. Behind every dead man there is Forrest Griffin.

Forrest Griffin got his driver's license at the age of 16. Seconds.

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything better than a fish and Forrest Griffin will beat his ass and take it.

Forrest Griffin once went skydiving, but vowed to never do it again. One Grand Canyon is good enough.

Forrest Griffin does not give blood with a syringe, he uses a shotgun and a bucket.

Forrest Griffin doesn't churn butter. He leg kicks the cows and butter comes straight out.

Forrest Griffin sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper, insisting that that is "his way"

Before Forrest Griffin steps into the octagon, he is injected with 15 times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer to limit his strength and mobility to keep the fatality rate of the UFC at 0.

When Forrest Griffin goes into a crowd of people, he does not walk around them. He walks through them.

America is not a democracy. It is a Griffintatorship.

Forrest Griffin doesn't get frostbite. Forrest Griffin bites frost.

Forrest Griffin is so fast and has so much stamina that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Forrest Griffin does not sleep. He waits.

Outer space exists because it is afraid to live on the same planet as Forrest Griffin.

Forrest Griffin doesn't read books, he simply stares at them until they give him the information he needs.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Forrest Griffin.

Forrest Griffin's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

The Titanic did not hit an iceburg. The ship was off course and hit Forrest Griffin while he was doing the backstroke across the atlantic.

Global Warming is a myth. Forrest Griffin was cold so he turned the sun up.

In the beginning of time, there was nothing. Then Forrest Griffin leg-kicked that nothing and said get a job. That is how the universe was formed.

Everyone will die at one point in their life. Except Forrest Griffin.

Forrest Griffin once at a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Forrest Griffin has never wet the bed, the bed wet itself out of fear.

What is going through all of Forrest Griffin's victims before they die? His fist.

There is no theory of evolution, just animals Forrest Griffin allowed to live.

When Forrest Griffin goes into water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Forrest Griffin.

When Forrest Griffin does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.

If by some incredible space-time paradox, Forrest Griffin could ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

The Terminator movies are based on Forrest Griffin's life.

When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Forrest Griffin.

Forrest Griffin invented every color. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Forrest Griffin counted to infinity. Twice.

Forrest Griffin once beat a brick wall in tennis.

If you google "Forrest Griffin" it returns 0 results because google knows you don't fid Forrest Griffin. Forrest Griffin finds you.

A handicap parking spot does not actually mean you have to display handicap tags, it simply means that spot is reserved for Forrest Griffin and you will be handicap if you park there.

If at first you do not succeed, you are not Forrest Griffin.

In any living room there are at least 1,343 items Forrest Griffin can kill you with. Including the room itself.

Forrest Griffin and Chuck Liddell walked into a Las Vegas bar and it was instantly destroyed because the bar could not handle that level of awesomeness.

Forrest Griffin doesn't own any clocks or watches. He decides what time it is.

Back in WW2, Forrest Griffin shot down German planes by pointing his finger and yelling "bang!"

Forrest Griffin played russian roullette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Some people wear superman pajamas. Superman wears Forrest Griffin pajamas.

Forrest Griffin is the reason Waldo is hiding.

One time my friend questioned Forrest Griffin. He no longer exists.

Forrest Griffin can win a game of connect four with three moves.

A synonym for dead is "Griffined".

Forrest Griffin can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Forrest Griffin can slam a revolving door.

Forrest Griffin can touch MC Hammer.

Forrest Griffin can read Lady GaGa's poker face.

Forrest Griffin has no use for a periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Forrest Griffin once clogged a toilet just with his pee.

Forrest Griffin ordered a big mac from Burger King and got one.

Forrest Griffin can divide by 0.